Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
