the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Operation Purity has been aborted
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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