just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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