.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
