I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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