just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
