i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im holly from the hills drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
