do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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