Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
