i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
