There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm sobbing to NWA
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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