Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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