Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
