It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
