it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
