Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
