Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
