my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
