There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
