walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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