Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think i have herpe
just one?
this boner is exhausting
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
