I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
