this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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