Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
