so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
