I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
