Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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