I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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