He uses pillows to masturbate.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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