Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
