she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
