i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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