So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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