Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
