When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
