Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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