I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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