i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
