Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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