Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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