How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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