New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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