piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
