RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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