when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I supernannyed him into submission
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
