I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
