Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
