okay pat passed out under dana's car
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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