the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You made out with two different species that night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
COCAINE IS GR8
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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