Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
