Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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